Dating Someone with Depression: Helpful Tips from Mental Health Therapists

Dating someone with depression can feel challenging. You want to support your partner, but you also want to make sure the relationship doesn’t feel draining to you either.

In relationships, when you’re dating someone with depression or even anxiety, the most important thing to remember is boundaries. You want to be able to identify what you’re willing to do in order to help your partner, what you’re not willing to do, and what your responsibility is. Although you want to support your loved ones, unfortunately, you can only do so much. The primary responsibility is on the person who has depression to find the best ways to manage it with the help of a qualified mental health professional.

You, as the partner, are there only for support. Setting those boundaries and expectations early on with your partner is important. You want to be able to articulate specifics for yourself and to your partner which might include saying things like, I’m willing to help you when you’re feeling down, but maybe I’m not willing to give up my life, or I’m not willing to put other things on hold because of how you’re feeling. Creating those expectations and those strong boundaries allows you to be there for the person you love without losing other parts of yourself or other things that you love.

Looking for help from a therapist for either individual sessions or couples therapy? Serenium has 150+ therapists at multiple locations in NJ and online and accepts most insurance. View our therapists and call us at (855) 845-0555 to speak with our team, learn more, or schedule your first session.

Understanding Depression: What You Need to Know

As in any relationship, it’s important to have a basis of understanding of what your partner is experiencing first. Depression is a clinical condition that significantly affects a person’s feelings, thinking, and daily functioning. It’s marked by persistent sadness, a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed, and can include a variety of physical and emotional problems. Changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, and self-esteem are all symptoms to look out for. Sometimes, but not always, depression can also bring about thoughts of suicide. According to the World Health Organization, about 280 million people worldwide suffer from depression.

Sometimes depression can be caused by your genetic makeup, meaning if a parent has depression, you may be more likely to have it at some point. It can also be a biological thing that’s happening in your body, or sometimes it can be situational, meaning it can come from life events such as abuse, grief, divorce, etc.

When it comes to where depression falls on the emotional scale, sadness, for example, is a normal emotional response to specific situations, while depression is a persistent condition that may not have an identifiable trigger and can last for an extended period. It affects the ability to function effectively in daily life, differing significantly from feelings of sadness (National Institute of Mental Health).

The good news is that depression can be treated through psychotherapy, lifestyle adjustments, and in some cases with medication management. Some people might experience only one episode of depression in their lives, but for others, depression can be a recurrent issue. Data shows that many individuals with depression can achieve remission and manage symptoms effectively with appropriate treatment. The key is recognizing the condition early and seeking professional help.

The Impact of Depression on Relationships

When your partner has depression it can oftentimes create communication barriers in relationships. Those affected may withdraw socially and avoid discussing sensitive issues, fearing conflict and relationship uncertainties. This avoidance escalates communication breakdowns. Additionally, depression can heighten conflict and misunderstanding frequency due to negative perceptions.

In addition, intimacy and emotional connections are particularly vulnerable to the impacts of depression. Symptoms, such as loss of interest in activities, can extend to a reduced interest in intimacy, affecting both emotional and physical connections within a relationship. Additionally, depression can sometimes be linked to significant sexual dysfunction, which can strain relationships further.

It’s common for depression to distort a person’s self-perception and can exacerbate feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. These feelings can make an individual question their value in a relationship, leading to insecurity. Partners might not always understand how to provide support, which can create a cycle of misunderstanding and emotional distance.

What you can do as the partner dating someone with depression

1. Understand more about what depression is.

Educating yourself about depression can help in supporting your partner. Learning about symptoms, treatments, and challenges can help you to better understand what your partner might be going through. Utilize reputable online resources (like the National Institute of Mental Health and the American Psychological Association) or various support groups.

2. Decide your level of support and clarify your boundaries.

A relationship involves two people, not just one. Although your partner may have depression, it’s important to remind each other like any other relationship challenge, that each person is responsible for managing their own health, while the other person acts as a source of support.

Clarify for yourself not only if you’re dating someone with depression, but in relationships in general, what your boundaries are. What are you willing to support or help with and what are you not? An example might be you’re willing to listen to your partner’s struggles each day, but you’re not willing to stop going out with your friends. Setting expectations and boundaries for one another with clear communication will help the relationship. Dating someone with depression is possible and is a type of relationship that can thrive as long as communication and boundaries are clear and feel comfortable for both partners.

3. Try therapy.

Seeing a therapist individually and/or as a couple can be extremely helpful in providing an added source of support, guidance, and understanding to your situation. In fact, it’s important to do this early on. At Serenium, we believe therapy can help every person learn to manage their mental and emotional overwhelm, and for couples, that it is meant to be preventative for them so that larger problems don’t arise or if they do, they know how to navigate them better.

4. Do healthy activities together.

Studies show that going back to basics not only helps depression, but helps keep people mentally and emotionally well. Cooking healthy meals together, going for a walk, trying out a dance class, going to a concert with friends, trying a meditation class, etc. are all examples of healthy activities. Finding ways to eat healthier foods, exercise more, making time for things and people you love will help you and the person you’re dating with depression. It will help you both sleep better and have natural ways of feeling better and more connected.

5. Practice gratitude.

When things feel challenging, it can be difficult to remember that there are good things happening too. Our brain is wired to the negative, therefore, creating a practice of gratitude where each day you and your partner remind each other things that went well in your life, with each other, and what you appreciate about one another is helpful. Finding moments to focus on the good can help you stay better connected as a couple with appreciation and love.

There is hope and help when dating someone with depression. Clarify your boundaries, communicate well, find healthy activities to participate in, and work with a therapist if you need it.